Had a moment of teenage angst this morning. Nally swallowed her pill wrong and it went down the wrong way. And she choked and gasped and fussed over it. Her brother brought her a cup of water, her father explained to her the anatomy of a pill gone down wrong. The child cried from 730-815. It was intolerable.
i had a brief flashback about her when she was a two year old toddler and we put her in her room for two minutes for the 2 years-2 minute rule. The child stayed in there for 2 hours. Every time i asked if she was ready to come out she said "NO!" i was just floored. As i was this morning. And i couldn't decide which was worse, her tenacity, her perseverence to hold onto a hurt state ( wonder where she got that from ) or the fact that it brought out this chilled side of me that went completely calm. " It's hard sweetie, everyone runs into those times when we swallow a pill and its goes down the wrong way, and we can choose to think about it all day, or we can distract ourselves with something else ". Where are your father's distraction-self-soothing skills when you need them.
Listening to her cry all the way to school was just excruciating. i found myself saying " You keep this up, they'll send you to the office. But then you'll have to be somewhere else in the office because NOBODY CAN WORK WITH THIS! " It had that grinding, droning whimper of a child that is just keeping up the crying for the sake of principle. i found myself wondering " An emotion has a shelf life of 90 seconds in your mind, what thoughts are you feeding yourself that can keep this fit up for 45 minutes ". I'm realizing as i write that her frontal lobes probably can't do that.
But in the middle of the fit, we brought up Keys and of course it hit both our raw nerves. " I'M NOT GOING TO KEYS" of which i responded, " You know lots, of mommies would not be offering their kids a 6 month trial period. You keep this attitude up you're there for a year! " Which didn't get us anywhere.
But as i processed this with my friend this morning, i realized something that was completely obvious. It's grief work. She is still struggling with leaving her friends. She is still grappling with the acceptance of her new school. And one tiny things triggers it all " the my life sucks " monologue. I need to have compassion, i need to give her space.
And something about that explanation hit a chord. i need to give her time and space to process this. My friend's daughter is switching schools for high school and is going through a similar process. i know better to ignore that stages of grief. Baby girl is in denial and anger right now. i should give her due process.
Scared me to see the part of me just withdraw from her when she is that distress. Especially since it was a hounding, grinding kind of cry. I am learning that sometimes, with the children, they need to just get the energy out like Buzz. Maybe she needed to cry for 45 minutes to get the anxiety of school and the grief of leaving out. If she does, she is entitled to it.