Joining the tribe at Philz coffee today. Enjoying the squeeze, enjoying the hour of mindspace before I start work. It's been a light week and I have not been itching to work. In the few months, I've raised my fee, half my clientele has been $190 and I don't feel the need to work more. Although having that one break in the middle of the day makes me want to eat. Just like I am eating now.
My weight has gone haywire since I've been to Singapore and I can't imagine losing anymore because of Christmas. It would just be more eating.
But thank you for the beautiful comment that that lady gave me. She said that she loved the way I expressed things. And what I intepreted as non-resonance, in the quiet of the room was perhaps the quiet after a reading. Mirroring is so precious in adults in kids. Help me do that more with the children, with my husband. Help me to use my words to praise and affirm and build up.
I wanted to hug her and tell her that I loved that reflection. She saw something in me God, and I think what my clients see in me, and what CCC see in me when I tell my truth. Jeremy called me a social leader.
This morning, I turn over my calling, my book, my memoir, my career to you.
I feel so much more peace about the timing of my life. Not so much rush, so much urgency to make things happen. Even God, with this marriage, I feel so settled I worry that I am complacent. That God I want to continue to waiting on you, and praying and being alert, and praying for a broken and contrite spirit.
I feel like every time someone asks me about Enoch and I, I get into a sad, resigned space. Maybe I should rehearse what we do well together-- we parent well, we are enjoying more family time, he loves parenting.
I want to rewrite the discourse of our marriage God. I am so sad about it. So tired of the story.
Yesterday when he tried to be on my side with Greg, I just felt myself dis his efforts. He is so indiscriminate. He doesn't GET IT. He loves me but he doesn't get me.
I love the movie because it reminds me of both Hao and Noch. Both such loyal men. And I am so blessed to never have had anyone cheat on me. They have been mostly girls who have betrayed me. Never men. Mom, Susan, Linda, Margot now Katie. The men have been faithful, just absent. It's funny to see how I despise their love for me and how I crave what I do not have.
It's been lovely to return to the community of PTI. I love that I am there with LaDonna, and Jennelle is there with Don. I feel myself infused with the sense of play and joy again in my work.
Thank you God. For a beautiful week. For new clients, for a great show tonight. For the Dickens fair this weekend, for great girlfriends for Nally. For great friends for Aidan. Thank you that I have a beautiful family and for every need unmet in this marriage, you bless me ten-fold with my clients.
Help me find new and close girlfriends this year -- could be Silke? Could be Lisa? Don't know. Guide my footsteps.
It's good to be blogging again.