Checking in with you God. And I remember a time where I would always start here, in my blog with you first before
A harried morning, and I feel like I have been yelling every morning. Today, the kids did not want to sit in the front seat which is a bad sign. I worry about every member of my family.
- that he isn't eating
- that he isn't growing
- that we are not developing his sports talent more
- or his music lessons
- that we are neglecting him because we are so busy
- that he stays in his room
- that he can't connect with us
- that she is overwhelmed with school
- that she is stressed
- that she has no friends or safe person at school
- that we made the wrong decision with Kehillah and PYT
- that is susceptible to peer influence
- that he is on auto-pilot
- that he is not exploring job options
- that he is drinking more again
There. It's all out there. And of course with it is the ever present guilt of having a life, a passion, a career and a book I want to launch. I hear the stress of having a mother who is a writer. Yet God I know that that is what I am called to do.
So yesterday, I got a tiny little glimpse of your Providence. Tucked away, in that Hiding Place that I felt so clearly before the world got to me. You pre-paid my peace and this sense of surety that you got me.
Today you remind me through scripture that there is a season for everything. I feel like perhaps Rachel and Jake might be a Godsend. That they might be Sunday School, tutors, babysitters and family all rolled into one.
God help me surrender it all like I did yesterday. So beautifully. Help me not feel bad for being a "bad mommy" today. Help us to relax as a family tonight, to the movies, to breakfast tomorrow morning before rehearsal.
Help me to trust you, that:
Kehillah is the right choice because:
- of the block system
- the teachers are awesome
- because it helps with writing
PYT is perfect because:
- we get to see Sam and Katie
- this is the perfect quarter to do it with the high holidays
- it is exercise and dance gives her confidence
It's a time of transition for all of us. And I am learning to let go and trust that you will show and guide the way. I am so grateful, and even as I watch Buzz, lying there God. Help me to just rest in you.
Thank you for meeting me on this post. I remember why I write, it's because you show up in my writing.