Mindspace

Signs and Confirmations

Confirmations that led up to this place:
The serendipity of our meeting
His recovery history - 12 step group for the last 8 years
His commitment to workshops/personal growth/Enneagram for the last 20 years.
How he handled the trauma of his partner this past year
His commitment to parenting and his son
His speaking in tongues
Him praying with me on our first date.
Him wanting to go to church with me, insisting that I go instead of dancing.
Him praying with me when I freaked out -- us praying together
Our repair history - 15 in 5 months
His ability to track, keep me accountable, call me on my shit and speak truth
His ability to relate deeply to life, poetry, art, his feelings.
His insistence on presence, co-partnership, collaboration and talking about.
How he has held my sexual boundaries and sexuality.
His consistency and skills around the care and feeding -- routine, connection, communication.

• Somatica - opening me up to being open to others
• Ecstatic Dance - opening me up to connecting to others through touch and dance
• Eclipse - mommy telling me that papa and her anticipated me having a divorce
• Me confronting my mother about the lies that kept me here
• 630 realization with Mike that E is not going to get the realizations that I want before he leaves
• Enoch going to disaster relief as work confirms his companion intention 
• How all Enoch's partners cannot  connect to him validates my experience of him.
• Jeff praying with me through a panic attack confirms our spiritual  connection.

It's been such a wild ride God, but if I hadn't felt your distinct presence through this whole thing, I would be second guessing myself every minute. This is so designed, so prepared, and I am so aware of how every week, we are in a different place. Even everyday with every conversation with Somatica. 23 years of marriage, he mumbled. And I know it's been a process to let that go, but I see your hand, week to week, increasing my peace, addressing my fears.
This way, you get to keep your promise to me. You get to heal that 13 year old that has felt like you abandoned her and her lifetime of believing that you will bring the right person to me. You did, just 23 years later.

Leaving

I did it God. I told him I am leaving. 
All this past entire year, has been preparing me for that. And if I didn't see the order and design of this past year, your hand in preparing me for this very moment I would freak out.
But since last evening, there had been a strange sense of peace. Like you had been preparing me this whole weekend for it. With my conversations with Barbara, and Ta and Amy. With my time with Mike and Elliot. With everything that Jeff and I had been through even yesterday at lunch. You confirm in my heart, little confirmations and steps -- this is what I want. A partner that can repair and take ownership, responsibility, be vulnerable, be self aware, conscious. Do the fucking scary work of growth. Fight for it. Jeff is my partner.
And there has been room in my life this whole time for him. Room because my husband has not taken it. 
So sad and sorrowful.
Yesterday when we talked about how to transition the kids, I realize that we have transitioned them long ago. Nothing changes. There is nothing to change. Enoch is out a couple of nights a week doing his thing. The only difference is now I get to. And I get to have weekends off the way he always has. And I get to have someone to spend it with and someone who wants to spend it with me.
We had been doing 50/50 custody this whole time. I had left this whole time. And he had not even noticed. Only this time I have someone who wants to be with me.
The saddest most sorrowful thing about our conversation was how even now, even when our marriage is unraveling -- nothing has changed. He still doesn't communicate, make time for me, make me a priority. Now when he is losing me right in front of his eyes, he still does not know how to fight for me. He has no skills, space, bandwidth, time and priority in his life for the care and feeding of a primary relationship.
And it's almost like I needed to see that, confirm it before my eyes. Before I leave.

Blog as Crucible

I've kept this blog for over a decade now.

I stopped the day Facebook launched and my paragraph long posts started becoming one or two sentences. Some of my readers that have followed me for years have complained. One of them being my mother, that my thoughts have become more succinct, less elaborated. The streams and themes that had trickled through the years have finally stopped.
Part of it is that I have gotten more present. Facebook insists that I am in the moment. And the way I've used it is that it captures moments, split seconds in real time. And fleeting thoughts that had become more rapid through the years have needed a live medium to jot down. 
Those who read my Facebook say that it is far more intimate than any Facebook posting; that it is raw glimpse into my ruminating, my psyche, my visual dabbling and my family.

These days, my blog have taken a whole new role.

I stumbled onto a blog entry written 11 years ago, that was so lucid and so clear and relevant that it was almost prophetic. My coach called it " A letter to my future self" it was a commentary of my marriage which was a good part of many of these entries beside parenting.
There it was -- an entry that was so forensically evidentially that it literally brought tears to my eyes. In the light of all that has been happening with Somatica, so much upheaval has been happening in our marriage. So much has changed, my body and sexuality has changed, and our/my life has been turned upside down ( Or someone recently said  -- right side up. ) 
It's been such an insane switch and change, that a part of me still shakes my head and wonder if I dreamt the whole last four months up. If this was Somatica's fault, for flipping every imaginable constant in my life, for how my body feels different, how I have a whole new view on sex and pleasure and desire. Yet another part of me says -- I could never go back to the life the way I knew it.
That I had been praying for change, for my life, for my marriage for over a decade, and now I am getting what I want.
Like I tell my clients sometimes: I don't know how your life unfolds but I know for sure, it will never be the same again. 
It's been surreal, disorienting, exhilarating, rewarding, thrilling and scary as hell.
Yet running into a blog entry dated 2006 tied everything together.
The one split moment 11 years ago tied these last months and the last 26 years together. In that one letter written to my future self, I saw all the dreams and aspirations that I put on the table with God 11 years ago, show up in the last four months.
It was my past, present and future all tied up into one.
It was evidence that I wasn't hallucinating during the last 26 years and I am definitely not making up what is happening now in front of me. That Somatica and all these four months' changes may pass -- and at the end of the day, it's me and that my God and the ongoing dialog we have of my dreams and desires.
So yah, this is a blog, but it is really an oracle. A teacher. A prophetic word to the future or to the next generation of how God tracks me. My dreams, my pain, my broken promises.
My favorite line in Genesis is " He has not forgotten, He heard your cries "
Today I see that He has. 

Last weeks at CCC

Getting back into writing God.  Not used to the giddiness of the move. I want to go back to writing. To the grounded, humility of the page.

Thank you for a beautiful yesterday morning. I feel like I launched the day mindfully, and I am able to give joyfully. Yet somewhere in the middle of the day, I felt tired, and dizzy. Wonder what that is. 
Think maybe I need to take a sugar break. 

Feel regretful for not going to Maundy Thursday God, it would be the last CCC event. I passed it, in the energy of how it's treated me. Mary J's send off on Wednesday was distracted and dismissive and I did not feel safe going back into that energy again. Funny how these things leave an aftertaste in the mouth. 

Still this morning, I realize that I will still have a week of Somatica before I leave CCC. Help me know what to do with the info of the training. I feel so blessed to go, to have the finances to go, to have a partner to go with and to be able to return back and train.

Help me to be present, not run ahead. There is something slow about the move in and I want to honor that, and pray for your presence in it.

Saying I have an intern

It's been wierd saying that I have an intern. And I am trying not to jump the gun. Because technically I have 3 interested, and 1 IP. Nicole has not responded so I am not counting on her. I am trusting that whatever needs to will come to me, not me after.

Week 2 during my last month at CCC. The excitement has died down and my room has been given away. Part of me wants to move right now and another prepares for the busy weekend of Somatica. I was not ready to say good bye to my room this past week. I know the schedule that I set in place is right.
It's funny, but I will have one more week at CCC before I leave for Somatica. 
Little comments are encouraging:

A fellow colleague's comment " Why is Tania still at CCC?
A client's comment " You are the perfect therapist"
Another client's referrals. 

I am blessed. But a part of me is afraid to be excited. I want to give you back all the glory and not relish the joy and excitement of this new  chapter. I feel the launch, I feel all that you have done to get me to this place. But I notice, it's hard to embrace the congratulations that people heap onto me, especially my clients.

Keep my eyes focussed God, I want to believe there is a reason for these last weeks. Help me to hear you and move accordingly. Not faster, not slower. I want to move with surety and prayerfully.
I feel myself leaving the community and I don't want to do that prematurely.

Possibly Interns and a new Suite!

Really settling into the internship energy God. I realize, that I am not as adverse to it than I imagine. It's lovely to have Ernesto's energy behind me. It feels right. It's nice to realize that there is passive income working for me. 
Thank you for Kambria, there is no other person that I would do this for. The energy of synergy, the excitement, the similarities. It's lovely to imagine and even with this suite God help me to surrender it and release it to you. 
Help me to not run ahead and just simply be present to the beautiful energy of what is in front of me. Nurturing Kambria and encouraging Grace. Help me to follow the peace. Christina lands warmly on me. I think it will be perfect for her to take Mondays. And I feel like it would be the perfect co-tenant with me where-ever I go. 
In 30-60 days God, the suite could go anywhere. I am excited to see where that leads. 

Launching on my Own!

Just days away God, and I feel you preparing me with Greg. Since last Wednesday. 4 days later, with the meeting with Mary Jean, and with the yoga retreat this weekend, it felt so right and perfect for me to tell Jeremy today. Everything is just moving so fast. I found an office space, she seems so attached to me. Her question to me was just such a confirmation, that this was the right thing to do. Leave and be outside the identification of Christians right now. 
Help me move God I feel so terrified yet excited. I have a vision of Kambria and Yae-wei and even Grace Lee. Kambria's licensing is so timely. I feel like this is where you want me to be given the launch of my book, my practice and my new clients. 
Hold me close, I am so scared! Yet I know, this has been long time coming. If the teen-incident hadn't happened, if I hadn't presented in the workshops, if Tina hadn't gone to the the Somatica incident. God I wouldn't be here. If Greg wasn't leaving, if I hadn't done this workshop. I am in such a sure, cornered space. Just as I enter into the cohort of Somatica, even as I enter the cohort of La Donna.
God I turn this whole thing over to a power greater than myself. 

Leaving CCC

Felt like you were talking to me through the whole session with Greg God. That this is a system that I cannot change. That I have felt it so deeply in me for so long. Yet I have never done anything about it. Now it's time for me to let it go. To launch. I worry about the office space God. Worried that I wouldn't find one. 
Lord I felt such a connection to Ann. And tomorrow, I will talk to the other therapist in Los Altos. It would be really amazing if I could find one that is closer to home.
I feel you helping me spread my wings God. I feel you talking to me through the session with Greg that I have done everything that I can to learn from this space but I am not ready to worry about what it thinks about everything I do anymore. 
There is really no one I will miss. And I think of Kam and I think of the supervision that I will give her as she studies for her exam. Margot, and Kam and even Grace. God you are helping me find my peeps, people that will be part of my group as I launch my work. 
Thank you Lord, I am excited to be nesting again. I feel like that energy was put to rest and I was up in flux finding furniture. But I am so excited to be decorating again.

 

Sitting at Starbucks on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Finally got my butt down to getting the edits back to my copywriter and I am thrilled to say I am really proud of the sample chapters that I wrote. Somehow, I feel like this book will get out there, whether or not I make the big 5. Maybe the memoir is supposed to come later.
It's been an awkward couple of days navigating the family space. We've had a busy quarter and it's almost like we're learning to function as a family again. The kids are bickering around each other and it's almost like we all take turns picking on each other. Today, the power struggle was between me and Aidan and getting him to put on his jacket.
This morning, in church I decided that the most powerful effective thing I can do everyday is to wake up in the morning and pray for each member of my family. I'm feeling powerless and guilty about how I raised them, the kinds of spouses they will be for someone else one day and the houses they will keep as adults.
This morning I had a moment of surrender, that amidst all of my intentional parenting, I really don't have control over the outcome of my children, and the only place I can garner up any semblance of control is on my knees in prayer.
I guess the biggest space where I feel most helpless and powerless is in the space of faith. A year from Nally's age, I had experienced a spiritual awakening and rededicated my life to Christ. My children seem nowhere near the possibility of a spiritual revival -- and part of it is having two parents of different denomination, different spirituality literally. 
I remember the exact moment when I told my spiritual mentor that I wasn't going to date someone from the same spiritual background and she warned me that it would me a huge part of me that I would never get to share with my partner. I had poo-pooed it, and decided I was "bigger than that" and even separated our faith and lives so well, it doesn't bother me.
But now, in the face of raising our children --- there it is. What does daddy's faith look like?
But right now, in this moment, I am pounding down the keyboard at Starbucks, looking across my daughter doing homework and a dog on her lap. Buzz has got his service dog jacket on, I am sipping on a peppermint mocha and part of me wishes I could have a Daddy long legs to write to.
But I do -- and it's you God. After all these years, it has been you.

Check in

Joining the tribe at Philz coffee today. Enjoying the squeeze, enjoying the hour of mindspace before I start work. It's been a light week and I have not been itching to work. In the few months, I've raised my fee, half my clientele has been $190 and I don't feel the need to work more. Although having that one break in the middle of the day makes me want to eat. Just like I am eating now. 
My weight has gone haywire since I've been to Singapore and I can't imagine losing anymore because of Christmas. It would just be more eating.
But thank you for the beautiful comment that that lady gave me.  She said that she loved the way I expressed things. And what I intepreted as non-resonance, in the quiet of the room was perhaps the quiet after a reading. Mirroring is so precious in adults in kids. Help me do that more with the children, with my husband. Help me to use my words to praise and affirm and build up.
I wanted to hug her and tell her that I loved that reflection. She saw something in me God, and I think what my clients see in me, and what CCC see in me when I tell my truth. Jeremy called me a social leader.
This morning, I turn over my calling, my book, my memoir, my career to you.
I feel so much more peace about the timing of my life. Not so much rush, so much urgency to make things happen. Even God, with this marriage, I feel so settled I worry that I am complacent. That God I want to continue to waiting on you, and praying and being alert, and praying for a broken and contrite spirit.
I feel like every time someone asks me about Enoch and I, I get into a sad, resigned space. Maybe I should rehearse what we do well together-- we parent well, we are enjoying more family time, he loves parenting.
I want to rewrite the discourse of our marriage God. I am so sad about it. So tired of the story.
Yesterday when he tried to be on my side with Greg, I just felt myself dis his efforts. He is so indiscriminate. He doesn't GET IT. He loves me but he doesn't get me. 
I love the movie because it reminds me of both Hao and Noch. Both such loyal men. And I am so blessed to never have had anyone cheat on me. They have been mostly girls who have betrayed me. Never men. Mom, Susan, Linda, Margot now Katie. The men have been faithful, just absent. It's funny to see how I despise their love for me and how I crave what I do not have.
It's been lovely to return to the community of PTI. I love that I am there with LaDonna, and Jennelle is there with Don. I feel myself infused with the sense of play and joy again in my work. 
Thank you God. For a beautiful week. For new clients, for a great show tonight. For the Dickens fair this weekend, for great girlfriends for Nally. For great friends for Aidan. Thank you that I have a beautiful family and for every need unmet in this marriage, you bless me ten-fold with my clients.
Help me find new and close girlfriends this year -- could be Silke? Could be Lisa? Don't know. Guide my footsteps.
It's good to be blogging again.

 

The Practice -- the Business and Life

The practice has been going crazy. For the first time in my life, I am no longer counting my new clients. I've been getting referrals from former clients, clients are returning from 3 years ago 7 years ago. I look at new phone messages in my inbox and groan.
I never want to take for granted the blessings of good business but it's I'm finally wearing it. This outfit of success that I wore to only special occasions, carefully pressed, in awe and precious is now a soft flannel nightgown that I sleep in.
So grateful, and there are days I wake up and I still don't believe that it's my life. It's been so many lost years of wondering if I dreamt up all those night wakings of God telling me that He had a dream for me. That I was born for a unique calling. One that I spent most of my years looking for.
These days, I know I am nowhere near it yet. Yet I am learning that it is just perfect where I am. Just knowing that even without trying, the Purpose will unfold somehow. I have trust now, a glimpse of how He works, and just knowing that is enough.
I know I have a couple of books in me, I have a story and that it's not going away even if I am lazy for weeks. 
You have given me a taste in my practice of underserved, incredulous, incongruent abundance and I'm learning that's the only flavor of good I want. I am so done with earning. With trying and with effort-ing.
Everyday, I go to work and I am so incredulous that I get to do this. "Who are you? And why would you want to see me?" Thank you for grounding me, giving me purpose, saving my marriage, coaching my parenting. You give to me as much as I give to you.
Thank you God. As a Four, how much more can I ask for. I am stimulated, I am engaged, I am rewarded, I am loved. I am given so much purpose to live for.
I am so blessed. Help me to continue to bless my marriage in a way that you would want me to.

Thank you for my practice God.

It feels like such a different animal these days. It's own entity. I feel like it's grown into a teenager. It has its own space. I can afford it its own space and I am as grateful for it's resilience as I am Natalie's. 
This week I raised my fee to $190 and it was as quiet and inconsequential as morning dew. 
I am learning how this practice is so private. It is simply mine and no one else's. And to imagine that in the old days, I couldn't grow past my elders, my teachers, the people who had paved the way for me to be here. 
Today, when they finally talked about fee-setting, they get me at the end of this journey. Differentiated, grown up, and i looked at Judy and I can't believe how young she is in the place I used to be.
A part of me wished I had company. That i didn't have to walk this journey alone, another part knows that it is my journey to walk and to walk alone. 
Looking back, it wasn't my practice that was unsure, it was me. It was me being so insecure that I wanted to cling onto you. These days, the practice is like the job I had at Oracle. It's so funny to come full circle. To realize that I can be that same dutiful conscientious designer at a large corporation and disappear into process. 
Thank you Lord. i never want to forget this privilege. Help me to stay humble and open, and learning. Help me to always be open to what you want me to do next with this practice.
Bring interns if you want me to have them, a new office space, new colleagues. I know that I never want to leave CCC. It is finally a place where I can bring my gifts and wisdom. 
Turning over my practice to you.

Worrying Aloud

Checking in with you God. And I remember a time where I would always start here, in my blog with you first before 
A harried morning, and I feel like I have been yelling every morning. Today, the kids did not want to sit in the front seat which is a bad sign. I worry about every member of my family.

Aidan:

• that he isn't eating
• that he isn't growing
• that we are not developing his sports talent more
• or his music lessons
• that we are neglecting him because we are so busy
• that he stays in his room
• that he can't connect with us
  
  

Nally

• that she is overwhelmed with school
• that she is stressed
• that she has no friends or safe person at school
• that we made the wrong decision with Kehillah and PYT
• that is susceptible to peer influence
  
  

Enoch 

• that he is on auto-pilot
• that he is not exploring job options 
  
• that he is drinking more again
  
  

There. It's all out there. And of course with it is the ever present guilt of having a life, a passion, a career and a book I want to launch. I hear the stress of having a mother who is a writer. Yet God I know that that is what I am called to do.

So yesterday, I got a tiny little glimpse of your Providence. Tucked away, in that Hiding Place that I felt so clearly before the world got to me. You pre-paid my peace and this sense of surety that you got me. 

Today you remind me through scripture that there is a season for everything. I feel like perhaps Rachel and Jake might be a Godsend. That they might be Sunday School, tutors, babysitters and family all rolled into one. 
God help me surrender it all like I did yesterday. So beautifully. Help me not feel bad for being a "bad mommy" today. Help us to relax as a family tonight, to the movies, to breakfast tomorrow morning before rehearsal. 

Help me to trust you, that:

Kehillah is the right choice because:

• of the block system
• the teachers are awesome
• because it helps with writing
  
  PYT is perfect because:
• we get to see Sam and Katie
• this is the perfect quarter to do it with the high holidays
• it is exercise and dance gives her confidence

It's a time of transition for all of us. And I am learning to let go and trust that you will show and guide the way. I am so grateful, and even as I watch Buzz, lying there God. Help me to just rest in you.

Thank you for meeting me on this post. I remember why I write, it's because you show up in my writing.

Gratitude List

• Children that are intelligent, conversant and loving. 
• New understanding and respect for husband. Peace about the marriage. Understanding of his love language and praying more intelligently for him.
• Peace about the book and trusting the timing and the ebb and flow of writing.
• Openness to friendship and connection.
• Gorgeous, robust practice
• The loving referral of friends
• The quiet of a beautiful house
• Resources to pay off the vacation
• Peace about where my husband's job is going
• Lovely routines of self care - massage, bar method, nails, hair
• Upcoming structures in place that I will show up and be there for -- conference.
• Inspiration to have an open-ended day on Saturday.

Egg Fast Diet

Day 3 of the Egg Fast Diet. It's been a great routine to come home to. Something about me loves the rules, the structure, the restriction. I swear I would have been anorexic in my past life.
But something about using what is fresh and provided daily thrills me. Knowing that those chickens are finally earning their keep. Figuring out how to make fail-proof hard boiled eggs.
Figuring out different recipes and paring down my groceries. It's been amazing. I haven't eaten beef or meat all week, and I haven't missed it. Egg has been just as satiating. I just need to know if I am allergic to it because I am itchy and I have not eaten any gluten.
It's been fun to feel like I have kept between the lines. Something about knowing that I have followed the rules make me feel accomplished. I am such a sucker for school and structure. 
But thank you. It was such a miracle that I was able to keep to my weight and health while on the cruise. It tells me that I have finally integrated Ketos into my lifestyle.
I am picking up where I left off on the cruise and knocking out those last 10 lbs and I think I can do it. Something about feeling in control of your body is so exhilarating. I want to go jogging with Buzz around the track and feel like I can do it. Walk 5 rounds everyday. 
Help me know if I should continue with Bar method. I figured if I went 3 times I would pay for the visit and I want to go at least for the rest of the week: Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday.
I can feel my body work out and train a lot more with Bar than with Pure Barre. I will miss the cute little studio and California Avenue though.
Who knows what my routine will be like once Nally goes to Kehillah.
Counting the days till school starts.

Blogging

Trying to get back into the feel of blogging God. I feel like typing makes each word so much more committed. I am realizing how scattered I am, and how even from paragraph to paragraph, I am jumpy.
I remember the feeling of being completely focussed when I was blogging everyday and every afternoon. Blogging was like checking into ground zero and putting you first. Now there is meditation and walking and so many other things.
Thank you for my life. I feel so grateful. I feel like I've come such a long way. Yesterday, sitting across from Diana, I felt her energy so different. Or maybe I am different, I am so much more boundaried and guarded. So much less open.
It's hard to connect with people after working all day. To not have to assess or pick up the details and how critical she is, how pacified Ashley feels, how much her eye is surveying. She reminds me of mommy that way.

The Practice

These days, the practice feels like it's own entity. 
It used to be some kind of reflection of me. Whether or not I can do the work, if I can't, if I can take vacation. When it's booming I feel accomplished. When it's not, I feel scarce.
These days, I feel like it's its own company, and I just work for it. I have had so many cancellations this week; and I used to take each one personally. Like I did something wrong. But this week, I just schedule, reschedule appropriately and still I had 18 clients. I feel your hand providing. Even as Stacey steps out and Shabaz terminates therapy. I see you providing new clients to step in. 
I am privileged to work with them all.
It's been lovely to feel like I can finally let go and trust that clients will just show up. To know that I can just be faithful to the calls that are right in front of me. To follow up and be faithful. 

 

Revelations about my book

• The life of a writer sucks.
• It works if you live your life fully.
• It makes you so vulnerable to critique.
• I am so glad I am so many other things first.
• I am going to keep writing and reading.
• I am going to get published and not wait for others to publish me.
• I am going to figure out why God had me sign up for the conference day before my offer to be signed.
• I am going to continue to believe that the book is a symbol of God telling me He is not done with me yet.
• I will model waiting on Him and dreaming with him.

Things I learnt from the Trip

• My husband is so incapacitated when he is so worried about making everyone happy. He worries, is paralyzed with decisions and sets the whole energy off.
• I can choose to find ways to take care of my own needs while on vacation.
• Meditation is an efficient space for me -- to detach from my story. 5 minutes regroup.
• There is a part of me that is locked away from him -- this time it isn't because of resentment or anger anymore. Can't figure out why.
• I got to tell him how disappointed I am with his career process.
• He got to tell me how much he longs for connection but does not know how to make it.
• We connect best somatically. I am done trying to wait for the right words from him.
• I can't do anything when I am hot.
• My body is used to metabolizing fat so much so that I did not put on any weight on the cruise and in Italy.
• I enjoy this peace and quiet as much as Rome.
• My husband needs more scaffolding than I realize, he still cannot ask for what he wants, or figure out what he needs.

Remembering Papa

Today is Papa's anniversary of his passing, and I suddenly thought of what would it be like if he went to Rome with me. To explain all the pictures and paintings, to understand the architecture.
I felt like I had mourned and grieve his passing the entire year before he passed. Today it seems rude to go back there. Watching the Affair, I watch someone completely immersed in grief and unable to pull herself out from under. And I have more compassion for my clients, for their sorrow.
But this morning, it seems hard to look back and say - "What could have been" but I know that I miss him in the moments when I see a good piece of Art or when I need his enthusiasm to fuel my son.
Yet maybe God he exited while it was still good. While my son cannot survey him with the critical eye assessing for integrity and coolness he does his own father. How often Enoch fails his test. I barely do sometimes.
But this morning, I thought of this time last year and how unreal it was. And in retrospect, how much this book was a gift. Morning after morning, I sat in his presence, re-living the memories. The book is a tribute to him. And you can do what you want with it.