Mindspace

The Biggest Time out of All

This Easter, Nally learnt that Jesus came to do the biggest time-out of all. That every time she pushed Aidan, or told a lie, or not listen to mummy the first time, Jesus was so sad that He said that He would do all of Nally's time-outs. There were so many, that they put Him on the cross and He died. ( note no talk about killing or violence )
But after 3 days, God healed Him and He become alive! Now He lives in Nally's heart so that He can be with her always. And every time she is scared, or lonely, every time someone is mean to her, she can ask Him to come out and give her a big hug and He'll go right back in again.
My little girl said the sinner's prayer with me last night. Every time before, she had always said that "only mommies say prayers". But yesterday, she seemed to understand the concept of "Time-Out" and "sin" and " Jesus living in her heart".
She said it line by line, in hushed tones as we rocked in the dark.
i know better than to think that this is it. But i couldn't help but feel we had just participated in a rite of passage. i accepted the Lord when i was 3. And then again at 6 and then rededicated my life was baptised at 15. Salvation is a series of turning our hearts towards home.
But i am so thrilled, to know that for all a 3 year old mind can understand, we have invited Jesus into our heart.
What a precious Easter gift.

Silicon Valley Intimacy

My husband and i don't talk.
We blog. We blog next to each other. We refer to each other's blog. He chastises me for not referring to his online calendar when i get a calendar mix up.
We don't have hard conversations, un-chaperoned by our counselor. Instead i blog them and he reads them religiously, through his RSS feedreader.
My girlfriend thinks it's sexy as hell. i think it reeks of bathos plummeting into pathos.
For the record, we haven't evolved that far off from our pre-nuptial interludes a decade ago. In an undergraduate computer lab, he had flirted with me line by line in glowing white monotype on a green unix terminal. It took about 30 lines for me to figure out it was the guy sitting next to me. 12 years ago, i thought it was the sexiest thing since sliced bread.
Of course then, we were one platform. Then he was my valiant tech-support guy. Then, he came bravely to my rescue every time my printer wouldn't print. Then he came in daily to update my system and make sure it was running optimally.
Since then we've gotten married, he's bought a PC. ( that practically amounted to a divorce), resigned from being my tech-support guy ( it was about time i learnt to install my own RAM ) and we've use Instant Messenger only when we have problems taking turns speaking, need neutral toned statements, and a hard copy record for future archival purposes ( it's useful for " i said no such thing! " dilemmas ).
But still, on days that we aren't swamped by the children's multi-threaded questions, when we do get a chance to step out and hide in Cafe Coupa, we each grab our laptops -- me my G5, him his tiny OQO -- trust our young looks to hide the sleep deprived lines around our eyes, order a mocha and a beer, sit side by side and blog.
So much for marital intimacy in the tech age.

Boy Love

i used to drink you
big gulps
just as you did me
ravenously
feeding at my breast.
these days
i sip you
these tiny washes of
pureness
unfiltered
unalloyed
life
joy
just enough
for me
to
live

On Talking

My darling,
everyone keeps asking me if you've said anything yet. and i am slightly annoyed at them. i have to confess it's really hard for me to see you take your time. You were a slow crawler and then a late walker. Never at any point because you couldn't but it seemed like you were beyond any time table. Just like how when i coax you to say goodbye, you never do on cue.
Yet every now and then you surprise me with how amazing you are:
like how you followed Denise Austin during aerobics,
or the one time you did do the actions to the song in real time,
or how you offered me a kleenex when i messed up my hand,
or when you blew your nose all by yourself.
or when you did the actions to "wheels on the bus" a song we sang last year in preschool families. we didn't think you were listening but you were.
One day you will open your mouth and spew out a bunch of words that would just astound us all.
Till then, it's ok if i see the amazing side of you.
You know, your mother was also "slow" or rather timely. it always took me twice as long to learn anything -- like Math or Mandarin, or driving. i eventually got there, and did well. but it took so long.
i guess i have do die to all my dreams that you would be different.
You have a father and a mother who is quite the rebel to the world's standards of sense of time.
What should you be any different?
But what i do wish and pray for you, is that you would unashamed about your journey, never discouraged or despair. To always know, you are your own, unique and special-- created for a reason.
To stand up, and get up, adn keep trying and believe thta you can make it. You'll get there.
You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

He makes all things beautiful in His time.